Emoticons are emo Decepticons (ha)

The other night in an IM conversation, someone made my emoticon cry. He was almost inconsolable—he went from a simple colon-parentheses :( to a colon-apostrophe-parentheses :’( in a matter of seconds…poor guy was distraught over his inability to afford a cat named Winky. Sad day.

A bit much? Yeah, I realize I have a problem, but the first step is admitting it…I am addicted to emoticons and will go so far as to say that sometimes I even abuse and overuse them. But is it really that serious of a crime? I think not, and please let me explain.

Verbal communication is a frightening frontier for me. My brain (due to its abnormally large size) moves too fast for my mouth and I stumble over words, can’t get out complete thoughts, and constantly find myself wishing I had cue cards. I cringe every time I hear my cell phone ring, especially if I don’t recognize the number (although this is partially due to the fact creditors and I are on a first name basis) because I am painfully aware of this kind of struggle awaiting me.

Hence, my texting frenzy. Seriously, FRENZY. My parents—yeah, yeah, they still pay my cell phone bill, come on, I’m a struggling artist—had to support my texting addiction by extending my limit to infinity. My PR is 1800 texts in one month which equals out to about sixty a day and means that I have a lot of friends. Or one very annoyed one. My unwavering commitment to text messaging has forced my mom to learn the ways of SMS, as well as the lady I babysit for, my old boss, and several other unfortunate souls.

For the most part it seems like I have my issues under control, right? I have adapted to an alternate means of communication and take responsibility for my “habit”. Here’s the problem: I am sarcastic (sometimes overly so, sorry) and that doesn’t always come across in written communication. I need a way to soften the blow of my facetiousness to avoid sounding brusque, and emoticons are just the ticket. They’re so ingenious! Little punctuation faces that transform the tone of a message with the tap of a key. Granted, sometimes I go overboard. I have been known to compose my own emoticons to convey an unrepresented emotion and sometimes I send text messages with a lone smiley face, no words… :-O (gasp!).

But I’m not hurting anyone. Rather, just the opposite! With emoticons I can still be the hilarious, sarcastic gal I am instead of coming off like a b!+<#. I want be able to maintain a personal tenor in all my interactions and my biting sense of humor is key in that objective. So if I have to sacrifice a little decorum and restraint for personal touch, then so be it.

<3 Stacy